For My Richie Rich.

 

Richard A. Thambash, Jr. :  09/06/1990 – 02/06/2015

24 years old; from Bellingham/Norwood, Massachusetts

 

“True Boston fan. He loved the Patriots; his favorite player being Julian Edelman. He never missed a game. He and his father both loved Dwane “The Rock” Johnson, and Richie Jr. would say that is who his dad reminded him of.” (from obituary)

Personal Interaction(s):

            I first met Rich in January 2012 at Gosnold detox. It also happened to be my first time ever going. I saw him next in October of 2014 at Gosnold again. He ended up getting a bed at a sober house in Falmouth. We texted each other every day the whole time he was in Falmouth. He didn’t have a vehicle, so I drove him to a meeting with me every night and when he eventually got a job at Sullivan Tires, I picked him up before every shift he had and brought him to work. I would go back and get him again at his lunch break and spend those minutes eating with him before I brought him back. When his shift was over, I was the one that picked him up every time. We loved listening to the song “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman. Our favorite place to eat was D.J.’s Wings, usually with our mutual friend Franny.

            One day I got a call from Rich asking if I wanted to go to the Cape Cod Mall and help him pick out some nicer clothes than he owned. Specifically, he wanted jeans, sweaters, and maybe a jacket. My daughter Soloe was with us and was excited to be a part of our outing just because she got to spend time with Rich. We browsed around Macy’s and found a couple things that looked great on him. Around 4 o’clock P.M. Rich suddenly remembered the sober house manager was holding what is usually just called a “house meeting” that requires mandatory attendance for anyone living there. It started at 5 o’clock P.M. sharp. We rushed out of the mall as fast as we could and I drove him back as quickly, but as safely, as I could. The Cape Cod Mall is the only local mall and was about a 30–35-minute drive from start to finish. We were just in-between 5 to 10 minutes late for the meeting when I pulled into the driveway. My daughter had fallen asleep in the back and before Richie could even get all the way out of my car, the house manager was running to my car, screaming at Rich about him being late. He was so aggressive and loud; he woke my daughter up immediately and scared her. That made me mad, and I admit, I mouthed back at the manager trying to defend my friend and just to let him know we weren’t up to anything bad. But it didn’t matter, I learned later that night that Richie got kicked out over it and had no choice but to go back home to Norwood. He and I kept texting and as far as I knew, he was planning on trying to convince his mother or father to put up the money he needed to get another bed and was fairly confident he could get one to do so. But instead, for whatever reason, both of his parents said no. He told me he promised he would stay clean up there and after the upcoming Superbowl (that the Patriots were playing in) he would attempt to ask them again. He lived to see the Pats win but overdosed and died a few days later.

            His character shone through for me during my first night in Gosnold’s 30-day rehab facility – Cataumet, in 2014. I was still experiencing pretty bad withdrawals, but that facility didn’t offer any comfort medications like the detox did. It was about 2 in the morning, and I couldn’t lay still in my bed in my room, so I went to a common area we all called “The Fishbowl”. I curled up into a ball on one of the couches and tried my hardest not to cry. It wasn’t much more than a few minutes after that when Richie appeared in the doorway. I knew we had been in treatment together years prior to that but I wasn’t sure if he remembered me. He slowly walked over to my couch and said, “Hey hun. Are you ok?” I gave a weak laugh and asked if I looked okay. He just looked at me for a second and then asked if he could sit. I nodded and he gently sat down by my legs/feet. I told him my name and he said, “I know who you are. Well, I forgot your name, but I remembered your face when you walked in this morning…” I turned to lay on back so I could look at him. “Can’t sleep?” I asked, noting that he looked good, more filled out since I had last seen him. He sighed and put one arm up on the top of the couch. “Yeah…got a lot on my mind. I’ve been here for a couple weeks already so I feel okay physically but…” I studied his face as he looked out into the hallway, never finishing his sentence. “Mmm, the mental part can be the worst part of all this, I think. I have a little girl at home. Never been away from her this long.” I felt my eyes welling up with tears and tried to swallow it all down by staring at the leg of the coffee table in front of the couch.  I could feel that he had turned his attention to me, though, and was very aware that his eyes were carefully searching my face. “Oh yeah? What’s her name?” he said, almost in a whisper. I couldn’t stop one stupid tear from escaping my eye and felt it as it crawled down my cheek, my lips, my chin, as I shakily whispered back, “Soloe.” I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, determined not to lose it on the first night in that place. After a few seconds of silence, I felt the lightest touch of fabric on my face that made me jerk away slightly out of pure surprise. I realized it was Richie, using his sleeve to wipe the tear(s) now freely rolling their way to my neck and chest. He had pulled back when I jumped, but I opened my eyes, and he must have seen that I wanted to feel it again because he slowly brought his sleeve covered hand back over to my face and softly wiped away any trace of a tear left. “You’re doing the right thing, hun. She won’t even remember that you were ever gone, trust me. I can tell you’re a good mom, Teddy. Don’t let no one tell you anything different.” I just sniffled and nodded, now on the brink of crying again because of how nice he was being to me. “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Or maybe just some water for now?” he asked, getting up off the couch suddenly. “Um…well, water would be great right now, actually. Thank you, Richie.” I managed to get out before I watched him walk out the doorway and head to the cafeteria.

            A few minutes later, he came walking back with the night shift R.A., Galen. Galen was everyone’s favorite R.A. because not only was he hilarious, but he was also understanding. Galen stood in the doorway as Richie made his way back over to me and handed me a paper cup filled with water. “Ok. So, Richie here is a good friend of mine and he gave me the general idea of what’s up. I understand you’re having a tough night and he asked if he could keep you company in here until the morning.” I listened, sipping my water, and looked over at Richie who was trying to hide a smile. Galen continued, “I don’t have a problem with it if you are okay with it. It’s a little past 3 now, so all I ask is that you guys clear out of here by shift change at 6 because I really am not supposed to be allowing this.” I nodded and sat all the way up. “Really?? I promise, we will, thank you so much Galen.” He just half smiled and said, “You’re welcome. You’ll be alright, kiddo.” He turned to leave the room but spun around quickly before he was out of sight and stuck his head back in the doorway. “Oh – I almost forgot. I’ll be walking by from time to time so NO hanky panky in here, you hear me?” I was glad the lights were off aside from the dim hallway ones because I felt my face flush and my stomach flip. Richie just laughed and said, “Come on now Galen, what kind of man do you think I am?”

            Once we were alone again, I realized that my heart was beating a little faster than usual and I could feel Richie’s leg just barely touching my own as we both sat there in silence. “Are you still with the father of your baby?” I heard him ask and I swore there was a certain answer he was hoping for. “Uh…no. Not right now. Maybe not ever again. He did some pretty messed up things…” I looked over at him and could just make out a tiny smile growing on his face. I couldn’t help but smile myself and nudged his arm with my elbow. “Why? Thought you weren’t that kind of man”, lightly mocking how he had just said it to Galen. He laughed and bit his lower lip, casting his eyes to the floor. “Alright, I asked for that one, but unlike what most people think, I’m really not like that. I just got out of a long-term relationship and it’s fucking my head up more than even I expected.” I was still facing him, and he looked up at me after a few seconds. “Well…I think any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you. They don’t make ‘em like you anymore, babe.” I winked at him as I gave his thigh a quick squeeze. We both smiled at each other and suddenly he reached down and wrapped his arms around my calves and swung them up onto his lap, in turn forcing me to lie on my back again. Before I could ask, he said, “I promise I’m not trying to be a creep, and I’m not gonna toot my own horn, but I’ve been known to give one of the best massages on this planet. If it’s okay with you, can I rub your legs? Maybe you’ll be able to relax enough to get a couple hours of sleep and it helps me clear my head too, believe it or not.” I pushed myself up onto my elbows so I could see his face. “I don’t know what to say…that sounds fucking amazing right now. But don’t feel like you have to, really, just having your company is making me feel better.” He kept eye contact with me as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Stop it. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” He slowly started rubbing one of my calves and I couldn’t control my eyes closing and I let myself fall back onto the couch. My leg muscles had been cramped and spasming for what felt like an eternity.

            After a minute or two I sighed and broke the silence. “Oh man. You ain’t lying, this feels like heaven.” I felt his hands stop rubbing as he untied one of my Timberland boots and slipped it off my foot. His hands then started rubbing that foot and I lied on that couch, thanking whatever lucky star had sent him because that was probably the best foot massage I’ve gotten from anyone to this day. He worked his way up that leg to my thigh and after a while, removed my other boot so he could do the same with my other leg. I was hovering in a half sleep, half conscious state and we occasionally talked a little about random things, but it was the most comfortable I had felt in a long time. I must have been fully asleep at some point because I was suddenly being shaken awake by Richie, who was chanting, “Teddy. It’s a little past 6 o’clock. We gotta get out of here…I don’t want to get you in trouble.” I finally snapped to and said, “Oh shit. I’m sorry. Where are my boots? You go ahead before me, I’m fine.” I scrambled to get my boots back on and gather myself enough to face the day. He was in the doorway and glanced back at me. “Hey. Anytime you need me, I’ll be there. Alright?” I stopped tying my laces to look up at him. “Why?” I asked. “Why?” he repeated back, looking down the hallway. “I don’t know. Honestly. You just give me this feeling…” he trailed off; lost in some thought I couldn’t share. I finished tying my laces and stood up. Walking over to the doorway, I jokingly said, “Uh oh. Did I open Pandora’s box?” He was still just standing there, staring, so once I was next to him, I put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey…I’m kidding. Seriously, thank you so much for tonight. You don’t know how much you helped me. I’m the one that owes you.” He snapped out of his daze and grabbed my chin with one of his hands to turn my face to his. “You don’t owe me a god damn thing. Listen, I know Chris and probably every other guy in here has their eye on you, but just remember who was the first to give you the best 3-hour leg massage you’ll ever have in your fuckin’ life, girl.” Before I could fully let out the laugh bubbling up inside me, he let out one quick, sharp exhale and said, “I know this is the only chance I’ll ever have to do this so fuck it, I’m taking the risk,” and still holding my chin, he brought his face down to meet mine and planted a single, surprisingly soft kiss smack dab on my lips. He let go of my face and took a step backwards out of the doorway and into the hall, waiting for whatever my response would be. I stared at him for I don’t know how long, trying to process everything at once and felt the corners of my mouth lift into a smile, which made him visibly relax and smile back. “You…you are fuckin’ something else, you know that?” I said finally and we both started to chuckle, but quickly lost all control and ended up holding our stomachs and wiping tears from our eyes from that one-of-a-kind, blissful, contagious, uncontrollable laughter that feels like it might be the step before full insanity. Once I could breathe again, I put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him to me and we started walking down the hallway to the cafeteria. “What the fuck kid, I need some god damn waffles to process you. I think I finally met my match…” I teased him as he put an arm around my shoulder, too. “Oooh, see?? See?! I knew it, I fuckin’ knew it. You’re a maneater, just chewing mothafuckas up and spitting them out. Was that just part of your master plan…. Ohhhh myyy Goddd did I just get set up and beat at my own game?? Where’s Galen at…. GALEN! I’m sooooo telling on you – GALENNN! SHE TRIED TO TRICK ME INTO SOME HANKY PANKY –” We both pushed open the swinging door leading to the cafeteria, banging into everything as I tried to cover his mouth with one of my hands and our giggles echoed down the hallways. From that moment until the last I had with him, I gained one of the best friends I know I’ll ever have. And I am and always will be so grateful for that.

Facebook message sent to Rich from me on February 7, 2015 @ 11:40 a.m.:

            “Richie I so badly wish I could say this all to your face, but this is the best I got…I’m going to miss you so much. I’m so grateful that for whatever reason we decided to both go to detox that January 2012 and even though I only spent a few days with you then it was enough for me to be excited to see you there again this October 3 years later. Spending 20 something days with you at Cataumet was something I’ll never forget. From the first day you walked in, you made my stay there brighter. That night it was just me and you up for hours and Galen finally let us go in the fishbowl at like 3 am to watch tv and we just snuggled, and you were so sweet bringing me cups of water…and we spent the days listening to bangas on everyone’s iPods and you called me the iPod whore lol but I still shared a bud with you whenever I got one! Leaving was bittersweet because I wasn’t sure how many people I’d get to hang out with on the outside (you being one of them). But when you called me that day saying your plan fell through and asked if I could help get you a bed in a sober house down here I was so excited. The fact that I got a couple extra months with you once you got to Solutions is nothing short of a miracle. I got to see you clean and happy…productive. I loved picking you up every day just for 10 minutes to bring you home to get $ for lunch or so you could make a sandwich and dropping you back at Sullivan. Just that alone made my day better. I loved bringing you to meetings every night. I loved just sitting at Solutions doing nothing with you. I loved you coming to my house so we could watch This Is The End. I loved the fact that you (and Chris) came to my work Christmas party with me so I’d have sober company. I loved going to D.J.’s with you and Franny talking about both ya female problems haha…I loved trying to decipher your text messages to me and crying because I was laughing so hard at them. I loved listening to you talk about life, the joys and the struggles. I loved talking to you about my own questions and hearing the advice you always had for me. You were never wrong. I loved bringing you shopping at the mall with Soloe and picking out the perfect jeans and sweater shirts that you always rocked. I loved how much Soloe loved you. I told you I don’t bring people around my daughter unless I trust them and she saw how beautiful you were inside and out. My heart is hurting so badly but the last text conversation we had was about how much we missed each other. And the last time I physically saw you we hugged and you kissed my cheek and told me you loved me. And I told you the same. I can’t ask for anything better than that. You told me that if Chris hadn’t gotten to me first you would have, half joking, but in all seriousness I would have been the luckiest girl in the world to have had you. I love you Rich from the bottom of my heart and I thank the powers that be that I got to share the time I did with you.”